Postponement

Claire and I took our vacation and came home on the 16th. Claire had a wonderful time seeing new things. I didn't take her to the beach except for a walk the first day. She kept pulling on her cast like she knew it wasn't supposed to be there for her to play on the beach. So Claire mainly stayed at the beach house. Which was just fine for her. She had a blast going to the grocery store with me and crawling around the house.

So today Claire was supposed to have chemotherapy today but they called me with her numbers from yesterday and they were not high enough for admission. So yet again her chemotherapy has been postponed another week. 

I hope that Claire's chemo will be down soon but it is not looking that way right now. It has been almost 6 weeks since Claire has had chemo and I just want her to finish up chemo and start getting back to being a little girl. 

On July 5th, Claire and I will be heading out to Philadelphia to have her cast taken off for good I believe and she will been given her brace.

Vacation,

Claire and I are taking a vacation this week until June 16th with some friends of mine. We left Pittsburgh around 3:30 am this morning and arrived in the outer banks around 1:45pm. 

We only had to make two spots one for Claire and one for food and gas. I'm glad we can take a break and relax from the stresses of chemotherapy for a little bit, but as soon as we get home we have to go into the hospital that following Tuesday to see how her counts are doing and hopefully they will be high enough for chemo. With pushing chemo back a week for vacation Claire will now be 6 weeks behind her original scheduled date for this particular round of chemo.

I almost did not attend this vacation due to the fact that I just want this all to be over, but sometimes you just need to step back and take a little breather, a break, a vacation. 

Stuck.

I feel stuck. I know it's a terrible thing to say and I wish there was a better way of putting it but for the life of me I can think of another. I am a single mother but I am living at home with my parents because this is what works for Claire and I. 

I had plans to move out. I had a list of things I had to get done include getting a job and an apartment but then my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. This is what works. 

I am comfortable with where Claire and I are.  I know and believe this is what is best for us. I just wish things were better.  

People ask me how I handle everything; I just push through it all. You can not dwell on any one thing for too long. Once your life is effected by cancer and while undergoing treatment you loose some of your choices in life and you have to be okay with that. I am not talking about your choices for treatment because Claire's oncologists do talk and discuss everything with me prior to. I am talking life in general. Everything becomes questioned. 

I will be honest I do struggle with a lot of things. I won't get into them all now because no one would read anything that long. But it is a struggle I am happy to deal with because I do have a amazing little girl in my life and that's what matters to me, that she is happy and healthy.